“I Wonder When I Love Me is Enough” – A Self-Love Reminder from Demi Lovato
I’ve been on a bit of a self-love high ever since I first heard Demi Lovato’s new song called, “I Love Me”, this morning. It became my anthem immediately and set me on a self-love course for the rest of my day. I’ve been feeling a little anxious around food lately and, to be honest, a little insecure about the way that I look. Like many people, and maybe even you, I try my best to feel confident but some days just are harder than others.
At the beginning of the song, Demi sings:
“Flippin’ through all of these magazines
Tellin’ me who I’m supposed to be
Way too good at camouflage
Can’t see what I am, I just see what I’m not”
I grew up loving magazines. I started reading them around the age of 10 when I became aware of my excess body fat after being teased at school about the way I looked. I wanted to learn how I could lose weight. All of the women’s magazines always promised that they had the answers on their covers and I started obsessing over how I could look like the women on the covers of the magazines and on the pages that I stared at for hours and hours while growing up.
I know it is a cliché to say that seeing gorgeous women in magazines made me feel insecure, but it is true. Funny enough, seeing Demi Lovato in Seventeen magazine made me feel insecure when I was younger. I remember desperately wanting to be like her. Part of me still does. Seeing her latest music video and also seeing her on a recent podcast interview that she did with Ashley Graham on her podcast, which is called: “Pretty Big Deal”, made me want to say “screw it” when it came to my fat-loss goals and just embrace my curvier figure, forget about the fact that I want a flat stomach, and just focus on being happy and loving myself.
She then sings the following lyrics:
“I’m guilty ’bout everything that I eat (Every single day)
Feelin’ myself is a felony
Jedi level sabotage
Voices in my head make up my entourage
‘Cause I’m a black belt when I’m beating up on myself
But I’m an expert at giving love to somebody else
I, me, myself and I don’t see eye to eye
Me, myself and I”
Food guilt is something that many people struggle with, and sometimes, it is still a little hard for me not to feel guilty and beat myself up when I eat something but it is a lot easier than it used to be and I am able to remind myself that eating more for one day does not make me a bad person. Wanting to eat more is okay and I do not have to beat myself up if I do. I recently stopped counting my calories and I was quite nervous in the beginning but it has been extraordinary. In my book, The Dessert Diet Club, I write about hopefully being able to eat intuitively one day. Little did I know that I would stop counting calories and start eating intuitively a few months after publishing it.
While I am sure that I am eating enough food to make me maintain my current weight and body fat percentage and that I will not lose fat, that is okay. If I’m going to be honest, I care a lot more about getting rid of the mental torture associated with food addiction than losing my belly fat in the first place.
Sure, it would be cool to have a flat stomach, but then what? Part of me feels like it is one of those empty goals where, once you reach it, you will think: “Oh, that is it?” There is so much more to life than having a flat stomach, and when I find myself wanting to look like curvier women, such as Ashley Graham, I wonder: do I even really want a flat stomach in the first place? What is it that I really want? It is funny that I mentioned the fact that I compare the way I look to people like Demi Lovato and Ashley Graham because the next lyrics for the song are:
“Oh, why do I compare myself to everyone?
And I always got my finger on the self-destruct
I wonder when I love me is enough (Yeah, yeah, yeah)”
Even though I believe that the only person you should really compare yourself to is the person that you were yesterday, it doesn’t mean that it is easy to do so, even for me. I compare myself to others all the time in terms of the way I look compared to them, how successful they are, how much they travel, etc.
But I also compare myself to so many different types of women that I realise that, once again, I have no idea what I really want. I will be jealous of the lean swimsuit model and I will feel jealous when I see the gorgeous plus-size model flaunting it in front of a camera. One thing that I have noticed that all of the people I find myself being envious of having in common is that they have glowing skin and look healthy.
Comparing myself to others always makes me feel anxious and unworthy in some way. I will find something to feel bad about and I often end up self-sabotaging as a result. One of the reasons for my self-destructive behaviours like binge eating and picking my skin is the amount of pressure I put on myself to look perfect and be perfect and do 1000 in one day.
It is possible that all of this stems from not feeling like I am enough. It often feels like I need to change the way I look completely and have a flat stomach in order to be enough. I need to travel the world in order to be enough… because that is what successful people do. I need to look flawless and as put together as the celebrities who have just spent hours in the make-up chair, even though my natural tendency is to walk around with my natural hair, without any make-up on, and in comfortable clothing.
My mission for this year is to become the best version of myself but that also means accepting and embracing what is good about me and loving myself unconditionally. No, I do not need to punish myself for overeating. The main goal should be to enjoy life and then live it as I want to. My best self is not worrying about how many calories I consumed. No, my best self is a badass who is using the energy from my food to achieve all of the things that I want to in my life and to do what brings me joy.
I really think it is time that I love me is enough. I can love who I am now and acknowledge that I am a work in progress at the same time. Thanks, Demi Lovato. You have really helped me get closer to loving and accepting myself unconditionally today with one epic song.